This has been on my to read pile for a long time but when I realised it was drawn by the phenomenal Jaxx of Under the Greenlight fame, I rushed to read it, and finished the whole series in a day. Written by Jan Mokdan, this BL follows a struggling security guard’s desperate foray into the sex industry, and his relationship with the director of the lucrative adult entertainment company he signs with.  

Ed is a stoic and pensive loner with a traumatic childhood. He is plunged into cruel and impossible financial debt following a road accident. His once mentor and brother-figure, Chang, pays for all his medical bills but adds on an extortionate interest. Ed, feeling betrayed and desperate to carve distance between himself and Chang, signs up to an adult entertainment company run by Glenn Mcqueen—a charismatic and handsome actor who is lauded in the industry—to star in homoerotic films. Despite identifying as straight for all his life, Ed finds himself intrigued by Glenn’s personality. Eventually, he becomes deeply attracted to him. 

The slow progression of Ed’s character is refreshing to read. His first video is awkward and discomforting: he is a novice, and straight, and he suddenly finds himself thrust into the spot light and keenly ogled by the staff and crew of Glenn’s company. The first video, in which Ed masturbates alone, is shot by Glenn. It’s clear that Glenn feels attraction to Ed, but wanting to keep things professional, he creates a cool distance between them, only offering small talk when necessary and expressing a shared interest in traditional film. Ed’s attraction grows in increments. Whilst he battles from the demons of his past, avoids Chang’s financially abusive harassment, and tries to continue a easy going lifestyle with his hetero (and highly homophobic) colleagues at the security firm, he has little time to consider that the lingering thoughts he has about Glenn are romantic in nature. As time goes on, it becomes clearer to him, and us the readers, that his is more than curiosity: that he ponders what Glenn is doing in his spare time, or wonders about his private relationships, or appears to desire another opportunity to shoot a film with him, means that he sees Glenn as a love interest. When they finally get together, it is satisfying.  

Despite this, Ed’s confession feels a bit rushed, writing-wise. It comes during a time when we’re finally learning about his childhood connection to Chang, and the pieces start to fall into place that Chang’s abusive behaviour comes out of a deeply toxic infatuation with Ed. I expected the narrative to focus on Ed’s desperate attempt to finally rid himself of Chang’s control, perhaps for Glenn to step in as a knight in shining armour, thus leading to Ed finally accepting his feelings towards him and confessing. I was also interested in Glenn’s story as an aspiring screenwriter recovering from a strict religious upbringing and being forced to write his films under a pseudonym to draw attention away from his adult film persona. Instead, just when these threads are reaching their peak, Ed suddenly tells Glenn that he loves him, and the proceeding chapters explore Glenn’s reciprocation. It’s all sweet, but feels premature, especially as Ed, up to this point, hasn’t even admitted to himself that he’s queer.  

The sex scenes between the pair are both beautiful and smutty. Their chemistry is drawn really well, and there were a few times when I had to put the phone down to gather my thoughts a bit!  

However, all’s not rosy. Just as Glenn’s screenwriting career takes off, his connection to adult entertainment is exposed, which also exposes Ed. They both suffer, but Ed much more so: he loses his job and his friends, and is forced to reckon with feeling exploited by Glenn, who, as the manager of the company, always had more power in the relationship. This aspect of Glenn’s character is written with considerate nuance: Glenn has to reckon with his inappropriate and unprofessional behaviours. He also contends with a sexual film he shot with another younger sex worker in which a rape scene is purposely made to appear titillating. When all this comes to the forefront, Ed, already feeling dejected and desperate, lashes out at Glenn and they break up.  

Considering how carefully the above themes are explored, I was disappointed by how Mokdan handles Chang. Like a cockroach, he returns to the narrative constantly to taunt Ed. During Ed’s lowest moment (single, poorer than before, lonely and now doing escort work to make ends meet), he rapes him. The rape scene is in no way sexualised, but in a later chapter, Chang appears once more to force his way into a gathering at Glenn’s house. Purposely trying to sabotage Glenn’s attempt to make amends with Ed, Chang sits casually among Glenn’s friends, with Glenn and Ed watching on with irritation, unable to kick him out so as not to expose Ed’s trauma. It was just frustrating seeing Chang there whilst the other guests, totally unaware of what he’s done, offer him drinks and compliment his looks. It’s all awkward and written comically, and I was annoyed that this scene was written in the way it was.  

When Ed and Glenn finally reconcile, Glenn fully admits to the inequity of their relationship and he owns up to the poor choices he made when shooting the problematic film. I appreciate how Mokdan addresses this, as such criticisms are often levelled at BL as a genre, and many people are put off reading BL because they assume all the stories are about rape. Whilst I find this assessment to be closeminded and ill-informed, it would be dishonest of me to pretend such stories don’t exist (Dakaichi, Finder, and Jinx are some famous examples of rape between men being played off as titillating and/or a means to start a romantic relationship between rapist and victim). In a way, Glenn’s redemption is a meta commentary on the genre as a whole. I’m glad he and Ed work things out in the end.  

As expected of Jaxx, the artwork is stunning and the characters are all hot. I enjoyed the various themes that were explored here. Definitely recommend.  

8/10